ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
