not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
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If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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