i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
