If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
