Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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