How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
