I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
