I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
