Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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