Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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