Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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