so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
