and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.