I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
50% drunk capacity currently
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
