So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
