you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
