I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
