At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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