I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
