I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
