Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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