so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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