I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
