It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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