weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
