do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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