Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
