do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You made out with two different species that night
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
