did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
