Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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