I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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