Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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