i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
