In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
wow bdsm is so cute
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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