The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize