please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
