I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize