the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
