my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
