xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
