Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
