And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
