i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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