My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
