she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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