Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
