We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
