last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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