i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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