All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
