Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize