i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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