So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
