I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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