Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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