Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
