well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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